Smile!
Tuesday, July 15th, 2025
I’m not sure if it was just part of being an introvert or a product of a childhood spent playing Pokémon games, but for a large part of my early adulthood, I was slightly scared of locking eyes with strangers in public.
I remember many an awkward moment on the train when I would accidentally meet someone’s gaze. My default reaction was to look somewhere else and act like I hadn’t even noticed the other person, then spend a while worrying about whether the other person had noticed (probably yes).
Worse still, let’s say I was walking towards another person and there was nobody else around, then I would often avoid looking at the person entirely. Chances are they were looking at me, so if I looked at them, we’d make eye contact!
Eventually, I realised that this worrying was unnecessary and needed to stop. There was no reason for me to be ashamed about looking at people in public. I was taking in my surroundings, not staring at commuters in violation of their privacy. And I should have been allowed to assess the safety of anyone walking towards me on a path. So what if I happened to do these things at the same time as someone else did them to me?
I resolved to change my default reaction to locking eyes with strangers in public (when the environment is safe and it feels appropriate). Instead of looking away in shame, I decided, I would do something that seemed radical to me. I would hold their gaze, and I would smile. I would keep it brief, respectful, and, of course, genuine. After all, even though I didn’t know anything about them, why wouldn’t I be happy to see another person?
To my great surprise, almost every stranger smiles back, and I have lived by this policy ever since.
Return smiles vary. For most, the smile seems natural and immediate. For others, there’s a noticeable hesitation. Perhaps they wonder if I am looking at someone else, or if they are meant to know me from somewhere. Maybe they’re even smiling back in an attempt to get me to stop looking at them!
For others still, the smile overtakes a frown or another negative expression, and it’s like I have invited the person to relax, even if just for a moment. In the same moment, I get to relax, too.
Not everyone smiles back. Maybe some people aren’t in the mood to connect. Maybe some people interpret my expression as intrusive or threatening, even though I don’t mean it like that.
A rare few look away before I have the chance to smile at all. I wonder if they feel the same way I did every time my gaze collided with that of a stranger. If so, I wish I could tell them, don’t panic! Try smiling instead. You might find out that random people actually tend to be happy to see you.
